The life we didn't choose
by stilljustme
Summary: „Shut up or I'll put you both in the trunk!" Hearing his words, Jamie wondered what his mother might say to him now – and how he could have ended with two women bitching around and a third one bleeding to death behind him.
1. Chapter 1

_I've had kind of a massive writer's block with this series, so I started watching season two again… and this is what came out. Hope you guys like it (and if you do or don't, please review ._

"So…" Eddie turned back to her TO, smiling in a way that could only be called seductive. "How was your undercover assignment? How did you get to get there?"  
Jamie shook his head. "You don't wanna do this, trust me."  
"Yes, I do!" She stared at him. "I just thought you had to be a detective. Or at least… longer there than just a year."  
"Well…" Jamie took a sip of his coffee, trying to hide a grin. He was happy that at the end of her rookie time, Eddie still was curious and almost euphoric about being a cop. She had lost her naivety, and many of her illusions, as they all had, and lately Jamie had spent enough evenings with her to know the job was wearing her down, but she still loved it. She would be a great cop.  
"I'd been into more stuff than the average rookie is in his first year, with all…" he bit his lips. The Blue Templar affair was over for three years now, case closed, also for the FBI, obviously, but still… "I can't really talk about it but I had some… experience… when they asked."  
"Experience?" Eddie raised her brows mockingly. "So you were a genius even as a rookie?"  
"Wha- what do you…"  
"You should hear yourself boasting" she laughed. "I'd been into more stuff than the average rookie… seriously, that's…"

A sharp, desperate cry cut her off and made her spill coffee on her blouse. Eddie didn't even seem to notice it. "Oh my…"  
"Let's go!" Weapon drawn, Jamie ran down the alley, following the voice. It still was crying, meaning it was not dead yet, but either he was wounded or he just had seen something very terrible.  
"Police, we're coming!"  
Hearing Eddie's breathing close behind him, Jamie turned around a corner –

And stopped dead. Eddie bumped into him, shoving him forwards, and Jamie's gun almost dropped down into the pool of blood around Noble Sanfino's head.  
_Talking about undercover assignments…_

He felt strangely numb as he knelt down beside the corpse, the sudden rush of grief held back by an equally quick surge of relief. It was over now, for both of them, for better or worse… not that he really had been afraid of Noble – he was mafia, yes, but not the killing kind of guy. Hell, he would even have given Jamie his blessing to go out with his sister.  
Though – not Jamie. Jimmy Riordan, the guy who had saved his life.  
Not for a very long time.


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you so much! You guys know how to make my day :D :D :D_

"Easy, Miss!"

Jamie looked up, forcing himself back to reality. Only now did he remember the scream – it couldn't have come from Noble, not with a bullet in his head. His glance followed the way of Eddie's gun, pointed directly at the shaking figure, standing as far away from the corpse as possible, but unable to look away from him.  
All the relief disappeared in another rush of emotion, stronger than anything else: guilt. Quickly, Jamie stood up. Motioning Eddie to put the gun down he made a step towards the woman.

"Hey, Bianca. I'm so sorry."

The beautiful young woman didn't react, and for a moment Jamie thought she hadn't heard him. As he took a step towards her, however, she looked up.  
_No. This can't be. It's simply not true.  
_Jamie swallowed as he recognized the look in Bianca Sanfino's face. He had seen it on his entire family after Joe had died. He had seen it on himself in the mirror, then, had seen it on Vinny's face – only for a second, till realization set in.  
_It will happen. Good god, it's happening now. Death is happening now, end of life, end of story, nothing left but darkness and fear and loneliness… why? God, why? Why?_

"Why?" The word seemed to open the gates to Bianca's eyes as they flooded with tears. "Jimmy, why is he dead? He's dead!"

Stomach knotting, painful with memories, Jamie forced himself to appear calm. "I am sorry, Bianca" he said again, softly, words that bore no answer but at least honesty.  
Carefully he took another step towards her, treading between her and the corpse. Eddie's footsteps echoed his and a part of him knew she was still holding Bianca on gunpoint, and that he should tell her to call the coroner.  
The other part reacted to the name of Jimmy and found itself close to tears, too. Why was he dead? Noble was an idiot, yes, and he took life too easy, but was that a reason to die? To kill him, actually, since this obviously hadn't been an accident, and it didn't look like Noble's briefcase was gone…

"I forgot" the ice in Bianca's voice stopped Jamie's musings. She backed away from him, the tears in her eyes dried up by the heat of hatred in her face. "You are not Jimmy." Despite her expression, her voice grew steadily colder. "You are a liar, and you are a mole. Thank God I wasn't good enough for you, officer. Tell me, is she?" She nodded towards Eddie.  
Automatically Jamie turned around. His rookie looked calm but he had learnt to tell her mood by details. The way her fingers were placed around her gun, her head held straightly high… she was enraged at Bianca, and at herself. Probably more at herself.

Something hit him and sent him flying to the ground, so hard that for a moment, Jamie couldn't breathe. Trying to recover he sat up only to get knocked down again.

"Stop it!" Eddie's boots appeared in front of his eyes. "Back off now!"  
"Or what?" Bianca snapped. "You kill me? I'd rather you would, right here, right now! I'd rather you had killed me already!" She started sobbing again, giving Jamie time to catch his breath.

"Bianca, I…"  
"I'd rather" she whispered, crying again, "you'd have killed me before I trusted you. I trusted you, you bastard! And now he's dead!" Her voice collapsed, she buried her face in her hands.

Quickly Eddie pulled Jamie back on his feet and out of reach. "Are you okay?"  
Jamie closed his eyes. He couldn't help remember the last time he had been smashed around the Sanfinos.

"Get the coroner and some detectives here. Now."


	3. Chapter 3

Eddie kept her place right between Jamie and Bianca as she made the call, ready for another attack should it come. Right now, though, it didn't look like Bianca would ever stop crying, whispering her brother's name. Jamie closed his eyes as tears started burning in them, too. He couldn't cry now, not for a criminal. Because that was what Noble had been, that was why Jamie had been sent to them in the first place… because he was deeply involved in criminal actions, and chances were more than high that Bianca was involved, too. He had to see that now, and not… not a big brother lying lifelessly on the street, no hope, no reason, no goodbye…

"Alright." Eddie's voice was tense. "Backup will be here in ten minutes." Stowing the phone she automatically reached for her gun again, but forced herself not to take it.  
Jamie quickly wiped his eyes. "Who's the detectives for the case?"  
"They didn't say." She didn't look at him, totally focused on Bianca. "Miss, the detectives are going to take you with them to talk to you. Is there anyone we should call for you?"

A quick smile crept up Jamie's face at the professionalism of his rookie.  
Bianca, however, didn't approve of the courtesy. She looked right through Eddie to Jamie. "Shouldn't that be your job? Now that you've achieved your goal?" Her voice broke with sobs but the words still stung.

Jamie shook his head. "Bianca, that's…"  
"I know what you are, I know what you did. Now you got it. Go sack the glory."

"That's enough." Eddie's voice was as cold as Bianca's had been. "The detectives will be here soon, you can talk to them. We're just trying to help you." She turned to Jamie, concern written plainly over her face. "I can take care of her alone" she whispered, "you don't have to stay here. If you…" She bit her lips and moved closer, blocking Bianca's view of Jamie completely. "If she was your undercover assignment, maybe you shouldn't talk to her. Especially if…" She reached out for him, almost touched his arm but then dropped it.  
Jamie smiled weakly. "Thanks. But it wasn't her I was set on…. It was Noble." He stood up. "I owe her to be here." He walked towards Bianca and knelt down beside her again. "I don't know who did this, but I promise you we'll find out."

"Yeah? And what do I give at your promises?" She bit her lips to stop crying and gently caressed Noble's face. For a moment Jamie thought about stopping her, but he didn't.  
"He trusted you" she murmured, "and he liked you. Not only cause you saved his life, he just… he thought he had a friend in Jimmy." Hate and grief melted together in her voice. Involuntarily Jamie reached for her hand and held it gently. "I liked him, too. Really."  
Bianca froze, but she didn't pull away her hand. Jamie squeezed it gently. "It's Jamie."

"Detective!"

Jamie quickly backed away. Whatever else, it was not good if a cop was seen with his hands on a witness. Especially if they had a certain history. Thankfully he nodded at Eddie who still looked worried.  
Bianca moved away, too, wiping her bloody hand in her coat as the two detectives appeared. Jamie walked towards them. "Detective Wiliams!"

"Hey, Reagan!" Detective Tanya Williams towered over the officers. "I heard you're bringing me another corpse.""  
"Another?" Eddie frowned. "What do you mean?"  
Tanya looked at the rookie, then back at Jamie, waiting. When he didn't say a word, she sighed. "That's my partner, detective Clay. And yours is…"

"Edit Janko, in training" he said hastily, "detective Clay." The other man nodded politely at him, then smiled at Eddie. Jamie frowned as he saw her smiling back.

"Alright" Tanya sighed, "good that we all know each other. Can we take a look at the dead now?"  
"Of course" Jamie turned around, "but really, what did… damn it."  
"Stupid…" Eddie shook her head. "That totally makes her less suspicious."

Detective Williams looked from one officer to the other. "What are you guys talking about?"  
Jamie swallowed. "The dead is Noble Santino. It was his sister Bianca that found him. We followed her cries."  
"Great" detective Clay said dryly, looking at the empty shoes beside Noble. "I guess now she has laid us no path to follow."


	4. Chapter 4

Past midnight and he was still rolling around in his bed, restless, sleepless... and more exhausted than he should be after a ten-hour-day. Jamie sighed frustratedly. What was wrong with him? He had seen worse things, had lost people much dearer to him than Noble Sanfino... automatically, Vinny's face appeared before his inner eye, white as chalk lest for his dark, big, fear-filled eyes...  
Jamie groaned. So much for calming down and finally sleep.

Something was wrong. Eddie had said it the moment they had left the crime scene, but she couldn't say what it was, and since they had at once been called to an emergency, they hadn't talked about it anymore. The case belonged to Williams and Clay now, there was next to nothing Jamie could do. He didn't know if his undercover work at the Sanfino's was common knowledge, or if it would be necessary for him to talk about it...  
Well, Bianca certainly would.

Jamie sat up, wide awake. Bianca knew. She knew, had known long before Eddie had called him by his real name. She knew Jimmy Riordan had been a fake. But how? How long, and how long had she and Noble been in New York? Who had told her? And, most important, now that Noble was dead, and obviously unknowing who had killed him...what was Bianca going to do with the information?

With shaking hands, Jamie scrolled down the contact list of his cell. Dad...Danny...whom was he going to call - it was a quarter after one in the morning! He had half a mind of calling Bianca, surely she wasn't asleep, and maybe he could talk her into not killing him - or anybody else - but her number was only on the other phone he had had then. Safe in the cellars of the NYPD head quarter.

_Eddie_. Jamie's thumb stayed at the green button for a second, then quickly moved away. This was about the dumbest thing he could do. If Bianca really was going on a revenge mission now, it was bad enough she knew his first name. Not long till she would know his last name, too, and therefore his whole family. He must not give her another possible object to hurt him.  
Erin, Grandpa, Linda, Nicki,... Renzulli. Each name a weak spot. If Bianca knew about him, what did she know about them?

Slowly, Jamie dressed and reached for his private gun. There was only one way to find out.

The building was anything but quiet as he showed his badge to the doorkeeper. The NYPD never slept, but Jamie hadn't expected it to be that populated.  
When he went down the stairs leading to the archive, though, it became more and more quiet. He knew that what he was doing might not be exactly legal, but what choice did he have? They had found Bianca quickly enough at her old home – next to a lawyer hell-bent on keeping the detectives away so her client could grieve. When Clay had insisted on talking to the witness, he had been confronted with accusations. Someone supposedly had stalked Bianca, or so Clay said that she had said. Well… but he was only four months in New York. Before that he had worked in a suburb of Fayetteville, where cops were still admired and could flirt with anybody to get their way. Like he had tried with Eddie…

"No, you can't!" The deep male voice came from the third corridor to the left - the one about October to December 2011. Sanfino period. Carefully, Jamie sneaked closer.  
"And why is that? If my client was observed by one of your officers I have the right to know who he is, and I will see what evidence he has against her." The second voice belonged to a woman, young and stubborn. Even if he hadn't understood the words, Jamie would have known her profession. A lawyer.  
"There has been no investigation precisely against your client..."  
"And how can you know that if you have, according to your own words, never seen the collected means? My client's family has been watched, for reasons I don't know..."  
"Damn well you know, Miss!" The man got angry. A mistake. Jamie closed his eyes.

"I do not know, officer" she said sweetly, "but I would appreciate if you enlighten me. So far I can only see that my client's brother has been murdered, and the officer first getting to the crime scene _accidentally_ seems to be the same man who had observed her and her family. I demand to know who he is."  
"Miss, I..."

"You're looking for me." Jamie stepped out of the shadows. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you all for reading, and reviewing! I'll try to do longer chapters from now, but the part of the story I wrote before publishing is almost done now… so I don't know when or how often I will get to update next time. **

The woman whirled around. "Hey! Thanks for stepping up. We'll have to talk some serious…" as she came closer her expression changed, the business mask cracking with surprise. "Oh my god, Jamie Reagan?"

The older man stared at her, then at Jamie. "What, you know that ch…lady?"  
Jamie held his breath. He did, of course he did… the girl wasn't only a lawyer, she was a lawyer educated at Harvard, they had shared some classes, he remembered – she was the only one ever to say the words "I demand" without sounding ridiculous in front of the students – but her name…

Quickly as it had faded, the lawyer's face was smug again, betraying neither Jamie's ignorance nor the time of the day. "Sophie Turner. We had Allister and Gowan together." She grinned as he nodded embarrassedly. "So you are the cop who… well. At least you are a cop." For a moment, her smile almost seemed honest.  
Jamie frowned. "What do you mean?"  
Sophie shrugged. "Well, we were all afraid you'd feel obliged to take the bar after you graduated second best of our year."  
"Which would be bad because?" Jamie asked irritated. Gowan style, of course. He should know how to deal with Sophie, he had learnt the same things she had. She was distracting him, but to what end? They were both standing in the right corridor, next to the boxes containing the information they needed. Neither of them was going to go away.

"Seriously? Because that's practically all you were talking about. It was always my grandpa the ex-commissioner this and my father the commissioner that, and my brothers who per chance are also cops that and… nobody of us ever understood why you chose law. I mean, apart from your mother not wanting to become a cop, but seriously..."  
"What?" Jamie stepped back. Immediately Sophie followed and stood right in front of the boxes. "I think I've found what I've been looking for." She put her hand on the box possessively as she turned around to the guard. "If you won't let me see those right now, I'll be back in the morning with a warrant. Which I know you give a shit about, _sir_, but it won't help the police if it gets known they withhold information from witnesses and surviving relatives. Let me and the box go and I promise you'll have it back in four hours. If not, let him arrest me!" She nodded at Jamie. "I give you my word as a lawyer that I will take care of the evidence and restore it. If officer Reagan hasn't forgotten every single lesson he ever learnt, he'll tell you that doing anything to the contents of that box can ruin my career. And I love my job."

The guard snorted. "You certainly do. Open it."  
She looked puzzled. "Now."  
"Of course now! Open it, look at it with your eyes only and get out before…"  
"No, you won't!" Jamie stepped in the lawyer's way just she like she had done before. "You're not gonna look at anything without a warrant. Your client has answers to give to us, and then we will see what information we can give you." He purposely ignored the threat the young woman had made about bad reputation – threatening was one of the first skills every lawyer learnt, and also the first one they learnt to despise, and fight against. If Bianca thought she could play him as easy as that, she would soon learn she was wrong.

Sophie grinned sourly. "Seems like you haven't forgotten everything."  
"I haven't forgotten nothing. I just realized in time that protecting people is more important than accusing and judging them."  
She sighed. "Fine. I'll come back in a couple of hours, then." Reluctantly letting go of the box she walked passed them, only to pause dramatically at the corridor. "Just one thing, Reagan. If you really have forgotten nothing we learnt at Harvard, you should know that accusing is one part. Defending victims, putting away criminals and therefore protecting those not yet hit is the reason why we do it. Good night, gentlemen."

Jamie waited three minutes before he followed the woman out of the building, his head spinning. Not only had he tried to steal some evidence material, Bianca had sent her lawyer to do so also. Was she still really thinking he had anything to do with her brother's death?  
The thought of brother made him feel even queasier. Danny would be furious he hadn't talked to him about it, and their father wouldn't be happy either. He would have to tell them as soon as possible… a quick look told Jamie it was almost two in the morning. How early did the court open? How fast could Sophie Turner get a warrant and just take the evidence? If she could at all, being that the box contained information that could endanger lives… his life.  
Jamie's hands cramped around the steering wheel in frustration. He should have known that job would backfire at him, nobody could do an undercover job that early and get out of it completely. Some never got out, even if they survived.  
_I've been into more stuff than the average rookie_… Eddie was right, he had boasted. Now he was into something much more complicated than the Sanfino family, and worst of all, he would have to drag his family in, too. As much as he hated it, he had to talk to Danny, and to Dad. They had to know there was an investigation going on, and maybe they could find out more about Bianca's and Noble's life since Jamie's assignment there had ended.  
But before that, he had to stop the lawyer.

Erin's call tore him out of a restless sleep shortly after five. "Jamie, what's wrong?"  
"Hey, thanks for calling me back. But… what are you doing up right now?"  
"You texted me to call you asap." Even at the start of the day, Erin sounded strained. With a sudden, powerful surge of protective instinct Jamie realized he hadn't seen his sister laughing for a long time, left alone going on holidays. She was always at work, always trying to keep the family together. And they all relied on her.  
"Hey, Erin, are you okay?"  
"What's wrong, Jamie?"  
"Nothing, I mean like… I don't know. There's a defenser trying to get to delicate information, and I…"  
"Wait, you make me call you at five in the morning because of the job?"  
"I told you not to worry!"  
"The last time I got a message saying not to worry, it was dad, and the next line was _But I'm in hospital, I got shot. _He had Baker type it for him since he always lost consciousness. And that's not even the worst thing."  
Jamie closed his eyes, his free hand making a fist automatically. He knew what Erin meant.

_Don't worry, my dears. I will be fine, I am fine. I've had a wonderful life… I've had the best life. I couldn't be prouder of you. I love you with all my heart, and I will love you and watch about you from up there. Take care of your father for me, alright? And take care of each other. I know we've been telling you that over and over again, and I know you already do. You are wonderful children. Never forget that. Each of you is wonderful, and a gift to this world and this family. Keep that in mind, and look after yourselves till we meet again… don't hurry, though. I want at least seventy years of solitude up there on my cloud, okay? I love you. _

"I'm sorry." Even after seven years, his mother's last words brought tears to Jamie's eyes. "I didn't… I didn't think about that."  
"I thought so. Well, I prayed so." Erin's voice got softer. "So, what about this lawyer? And delicate information, what does any of this have to do with you?"  
Jamie sighed. "That's a long story, sis."


	6. Chapter 6

**Alright…this is still not as long as I hoped it would be, but I'm working on it. Hope you like it!**

It was about six as he parked before his father's house, waiting for the lights to go on. He could also go the official way and bring the case to the commissioner, which eventually would have to happen, but that would only mean waiting two hours more, and he couldn't sleep anyway.  
Punctually ten past six, the kitchen lit up. Grandpa making coffee if it was a good day. Cold and nervous, Jamie forced himself out of the car.  
"Morning!"  
"Hello, grandson!" Henry had long ceased to be surprised by his family dropping by at odd times. "Coffee's almost ready!"  
"Thank, grandpa." Jamie sat down, relaxing for the first time in more than twelve hours. As soon as the damping cup stood before him, he felt tiredness settling over him. So far his family was fine…

"Jamie! What a welcome… oh, I'm sorry!" Frank smiled as he sat down next to his youngest. "I was for a moment confused by the coffee in front of you."  
"Yeah" Jamie yawned, stretching, "this stuff stopped working when I learnt through the nights in Harvard."  
"Learnt, huh?" Henry quipped, laughing. As Frank and Jamie turned to him, he quickly waved aside and left. "Don't listen to me. Just an old man babbling…"

Frank shook his head. "I really wonder…"  
"He needs a girlfriend" Jamie stepped in, chuckling, then bit his lips. "I'm sorry, Dad. I shouldn't have… just…"  
"I know what you mean." Frank smiled. "I thought the same. And there is no reason whatsoever to feel bad about. Your grandpa loved your grandmother very much, and he still loves her. She loved him too. I think she wouldn't have wanted him to be alone for such a long time." He sighed. "But that's not why you've come here at dawn."  
"No" Jamie admitted, staring into his cup. "It's because of… it's about my undercover case with the Sanfino family. I thought they were taken into protective custody after Tesla was murdered, and maybe they were, but… somehow Noble and Bianca Sanfino made it back to New York. And yesterday Noble was killed."

The coffee had long grown cold by the time Jamie finished his story. Jamie turned the cup in his hands, waiting for the sentence. He knew that walking into the archive in the middle of the night had not been the smartest move, but if he had waited till now… he hardly remembered Sophie Turner from their time in Harvard, but he knew Bianca. She was not a bad person, but she was used to get what she wanted, and she did not forget. If she still thought Jamie had killed her brother she would not hesitate whatever was in that box. And even if not… his hands started shaking slightly as Jamie remembered the other corpse Bianca held him responsible for, the one whose blood he indeed seemed not to be able to wash off: John Tesla.

Frank sighed deeply. He knew that Jamie, despite his obvious distress and sorrow for his family, was not telling him everything. From the first day he had taken the blue, his son had been in the middle of obscure investigations, forced to lie to the world around him, to his family. Watching his little boy, who had always tried to see the good in people, who had always been the most honest and trusting of them, turn into a dark undercover agent, was hard enough on him as a police commissioner. As a father, Frank had quickly realized, it was one of the worst things he had ever had to witness.

He put a firm hand on his son's shivering. "Jamie, it…"  
A shrill beep made Jamie jerk for his cell. "Reagan."  
"Jamie, it's ten past eight, where are you?" Eddie tried to keep her voice calm but there was an edge to it that he couldn't define yet.  
"I'm sorry, Eddie, I…"  
"Just cause, uhm… Bianca is at the precinct. Fuming and waiting for you."  
She was fast. Jamie closed his eyes. "I'm on my way."

Turner wasn't with her client, but Jamie couldn't decide whether this was a good sign. Was she already claiming the evidence?  
He did his best to stay calm as he reached for Eddie's arm. "Thank you. I'm sorry."  
Eddie shrugged, obviously less distressed about the girl than about her TO. "Are you okay?"  
He wanted to say yes, but then Bianca turned around. The sadness and helpless fury in her eyes was as vivid as the day before, and again it hurt Jamie deeper than he had thought.  
"I'm sorry" he said, feeling stupid. Those were the shallowest words ever to be uttered, but what else could he say?

Bianca snuffled. "For whom? Noble? John? Was it all a game for you, Jamie Reagan? Playing a friend while trying to bring us down? And for what? Is your daddy proud of you now? Was it worth that? A police investigation leading to the killing of two men? Noble was innocent, you bastard! Maybe Tesla wasn't, but my brother did nothing wrong, and you killed him! You ignorant, stupid, fucking, un…"

"Enough!" Out of nowhere, Sophie Turner stepped into the redhead's way as she stormed forward. "Don't. Don't touch him, whatever you do, don't touch him."  
"You killed him!" Bianca didn't seem to have heard her lawyer. Tears streamed down her face. "I know it, Jamie. I know it all. Even if you didn't pull the trigger, it was you. You left us in the middle of uncle Phil's rage, and the rage of his people and customers. You left us to die. And when I'm next, I'm gonna curse you with my last breath."  
Again she tried to reach Jamie, but Sophie firmly held her hands. She tried to keep her face blank but Jamie noticed a glimmer of compassion in the lawyer's eyes. "I am sorry" she echoed Jamie's words quietly, all smugness of the night gone, "but if you touch a police officer, Erin Reagan will sue you till kingdom come."  
The last words came out sharply, but somehow forced. Jamie could tell the young lawyer was as shaken by Bianca's rage as he was. It would not do to underestimate a Harvard graduate, and she had already proven that she was smart, but Sophie Turner was still a rookie in her own job. There were bigger tasks at hand, and they were spiraling out of control already.  
"You can't have that evidence" he said firmly, "not before…"  
"Not before the commissioner and you have seen it" Sophie finished, having regained her mask. "I know. Good reaction time, I have to admit. Your sister, not you. But I guess I can't blame you for working with your family."  
Jamie frowned but didn't say a word. Erin had outwitted Turner, she had once again saved him, but Bianca would not let him get off the hook that easily. And as long as the police was investigating Noble's death she had reasons to follow him. The sooner this was over, the better, but… what if Bianca was right? What if she was meant to be next?  
No matter what had happened, Jimmy Riordan and Jamie Reagan were of one opinion here: Bianca had to be protected.  
Automatically, Jamie found himself looking at Eddie for backup, but the rookie cop was gone.  
Ten seconds later she returned, with detectives Williams and Clay beside her.  
"Ms. Sanfino? Can we talk now?" If Williams had heard about the other woman's outburst she didn't show it. With obvious effort, Bianca pulled back and nodded. "Alright."  
"Good" Clay said gently, smiling at her. "Then please follow us. Hey, Soph."  
The lawyer smiled back shortly but it didn't reach her eyes as she put her hand on her client's arm and walked after detective Williams.  
Clay lingered a little longer, turning to Eddie with the same smile he had just given Sophie. "Thanks for calling us, officer Janko."  
Eddie shrugged. "Thanks for being here so quickly."  
"Well, urgency call. And even without the commissioner on our heels" he turned to Jamie "we don't let our brothers get into more danger than necessary." The smile finally vanished, replaced by a seriousness that automatically seemed to spread on to Eddie. Her head snapped off the three women and to her TO. "Yeah, let's start with what the hell is going on here."

Jamie bit his lips. He was thankful enough that the detectives had jumped in, but he didn't want Eddie involved. So far she was innocent, and despite Bianca's comment the day before Jamie was sure she had nothing against Eddie… yet.  
"We heard you had an undercover assignment in the Sanfino family eighteen months ago, and that this assignment brought you in deeper contact with both Bianca and Noble. You worked in the dead's company, right? And the heart of the whole operation was to gain information stored on that company's computers, customers' data… which you provided… and then…"  
"What, on your own?" Eddie's eyes grew wide. "Seems you weren't boasting as much as I thought…" She shook her head both in concern and admiration. "But what was it about that… Tyler? Teller?"  
"Tesla" Clay nodded, "John Tesla, not bloodily related, but…"  
"I think that's enough" Jamie cut him off, brisker than wanted. He turned to Eddie. "I did boast, okay? And it wasn't funny. It was dangerous, and there people killed…because of me. I don't want you to be in this case, Eddie, you've got nothing to do with it, really. I…"  
"I am your partner, Jamie" Eddie protested, "alright, I'm your rookie. Right now. I'm going to be a cop soon, and this is our case, together, I will not…"  
"All due respects, Eddie" Clay stepped in, "but this case is a murder, and therefore it's ours."  
"All due respects, Steve" Danny's voice came from behind, loud and angry, "but this is not only a murder case, so we're gonna work with you."

Detective Clay turned around. "Detective Reagan? Are you sure you… have we…" Confusedly, he looked over to where his partner had just disappeared.  
Danny frowned. "Yes, I'm pretty sure I'm here to work at this case, because not half an hour ago, the police commissioner called me to tell me that officer Reagan here is once again trying to get himself killed. Maybe. So the murder of that Noble guy, that's your case. Go ask New Mexico why the hell those two made it back here at all and why would anybody kill him now, and find that killer. Anything else about the past, and Tesla, and…"  
"Whoa, Danny, what are you doing here?" Detective Williams didn't seem overly happy as she joined her colleagues. Behind her, Sophie Turner stormed out of the little room and towards the street, Bianca followed a bit slower. In the middle of the room she stopped and questioningly looked at the cops. With a sigh, Williams nodded. "Don't leave the city" she called after her, then turned back to the detectives.  
Clay's face wrinkled with concern. "What's wrong?"  
"Miss Turner got a call, almost started to cry and excused herself, stating that she understood it if Sanfino would dismiss her but she had to go. Well, Miss Sanfino refused another lawyer and I can't question her without one, so I had to let them both go."  
"Do you think Miss… Turner tried to gain time for something? Is there something they hide?"  
Jamie had to smile. Eddie was determined to stay part of the case, and she knew when she had to get into a conversation. Still, he didn't want her to be part of any of this.

Detective Williams shook her head. "No. I don't trust those lawyers one step, especially not the young ones, but that… no. If that was acting, that girl deserves a fucking Oscar. She was upset. Anyway, Danny, what the hell are you doing here? And where's Maria?"  
"Good morning to you too, Michelle." Danny winked provokingly. Then he got serious again. "Maria's not on the case. I'm… not on the case, officially. Cause officially, there is nothing but the actual murder. Everything I do… wait, actually – Eddie?" He smiled uneasily. "I'm sorry, but you should go, too. The less people are involved in this, the better."  
Jamie nodded eagerly, but Eddie shook her head. "And what am I going to tell the captain? If I'm out of a case now, it will raise suspicion. I have to…"  
"Come on, it's not about your career now. We're trying to save Jamie's life." Danny looked at the rookie, incredulously. "I thought you'd have more of a cop in you than that."

Eddie backed away.  
"Come on, Danny…" Clay started, but Jamie interrupted him, "Danny, you know nothing about Eddie's work here. She's great, and she'll be a good cop no matter whom she's partnered up with." He turned to the rookie whose face had turned pale, her eyes cast onto the floor.  
"Eddie, you…"  
"I'm sorry" she murmured, "I didn't mean it that way, I just…"  
"I know" he said, taking one step closer to the blonde woman. "And it was a good thought. Everything you said actually was good. But I don't know what exactly is happening right now, or how much I am involved in it, and I don't want you to get in danger, okay?"  
Stubbornness fought against understanding in Eddie's eyes, a combination Jamie had come to find very attractive. Eventually, though, she nodded. "Take care of yourself. You know… cause of my career and stuff."  
Jamie smiled. "I know. You too, Eddie."


	7. Chapter 7

The moment Jamie got into Danny's car, the detective exploded. "What the hell was that?"  
"What, me? You were a jackass to Eddie, you…"  
"Come on, Jamie, I'm not talking about Eddie right now, I don't care for Eddie, what about you? When were you going to tell me that half of your undercover case is lying dead on the street and the other half thinks you're a killer? Damn it, kid, you could've long been dead, too!"  
"I'm sorry." Jamie shrugged. "I guess I just… it happened only yesterday, Danny. I would have told you."  
"Yesterday morning" Danny grumbled, "you could have called me the whole day long, and the night. Jamie!" He grabbed his little brother's collar. "You can call me anytime. Understood? Anytime. We're family, kid, damn…" he stopped before he could swear again, loosening the grip around Jamie's neck, but not yet letting go of him. "Now, I want to know everything, Jamie. Every little detail about your job, everything you did, everything you said, everything you heard…and don't dare lying to me again."  
"I didn't lie to you, Danny! I wanted to tell you. I just didn't want to wake you in the middle of the night, I didn't want to bring you into this if it wasn't necessary. I know Bianca, I know I can talk to her. I want to help her, Danny, that's why I went to get the phone, I wanted to get her number and call her to sort it out before it all turned to… this. And then Sophie Turner appeared and…"  
"Yeah, by the way, who's that? Where's she from?" Danny shook his head. "Erin called me, and three minutes out of the five we talked were all about that lawyer blondie driving her crazy!" He chuckled.  
"Really? Well, but Erin still won. I don't know how she did it, but nobody's to touch the evidence before dad and I've seen it." Jamie bit his lips. "Danny, how unofficial is it? Your checking everything about the job, keeping Maria and Eddie out of it. Cause if my leading agent from then doesn't know it… you know we'll have to call him, don't you?"  
Danny grunted. "I thought you didn't want Eddie to be part of this?"  
"Of course I don't want her to be, it's just…"  
Danny grinned knowingly, and Jamie turned his head and looked out of the window. "Don't change topic, anyway" he murmured, "you can't do this on your own."  
"I won't be on my own" Danny grumbled, his voice as low as Jamie's, "that's just your style of fighting. I do think of my family when I do my job."  
"Yeah, I do too, Danny! That's one of the reasons why I kept it from you!"  
"Only one of them? Well" Danny grinned bitterly, "enlighten me and tell me the others."  
Jamie was fuming. "Undercover means nobody's to know who I really am. I was Jimmy Riordan, I had no family, nobody to get hurt by the Sanfinos if they should turn on me, that was the plan. Come on, you know what it's about, you've been undercover too!"  
"Have I? I couldn't remember."

The car came to a stop but as Jamie wanted to open the door he found it locked. Questioningly, he looked to his brother. After a moment, Danny met his glance. He seemed old, older than a man of thirty-nine years should look, older even than a _cop_ of thirty-nine years should look. His eyes were red and tired. "Jamie, neither grandpa nor dad nor I have ever been part of undercover jobs. Well, grandpa maybe has, but those were little things. Things that ended with arrestments of the whole gang, nobody ever getting out of prison again, some of those guys still don't know who finked. The only one going undercover for real, for such a long time, and to gain information, without a real purpose to end the crimes witnessed… that was Joe. And he's dead."

Jamie tensed. First his mother, now Joe…the losses of his family kept haunting him, still, after years, painful as on the days he had watched them getting buried. "It won't… I won't let that happen, Danny…"  
And how are you gonna do that?" As usual, Danny's mood had quickly turned from grieving to angry. "Jamie, you almost got killed before you said one word to dad about the Templars, and you knew they had something to do with killing Joe! You were tracking down his killers, and still you didn't see the danger till Malevsky crushed the damn car! You will not do that again!"  
"I…" Jamie's cell beeped. Message by unknown number.  
"Who's that?"  
"I don't know."  
"Give me the phone."  
"Forget it.  
"I said, give me the phone, genius."  
"You're crazy, Danny! This is my life. You're not my father, and I am no child anymore."  
"But you're behaving like one!"  
"I'm not the one throwing a tantrum cause I don't get my stupid way!" Jamie shouted, then forced himself to calm down. "Danny, I know you want to protect me, but right now, we know nothing about all of that. I'm not the one in danger, it's Bianca. Whoever killed her brother will most likely not stop there. You've got to trust me."  
Danny snuffled. "Why should I trust you?"  
"Because…" Jamie's voice broke with shock. "Because I'm your brother, Danny. Because we're family. Because I… why would I lie to you? Do you think I want to die? Do you think I want you to go through all that we went through when Joe died? Do you…"  
"I think" Danny said calmly, finally unlocking the car doors, "that you don't care about that. Now let's go. Dad's waiting with the evidence."

The archive was not as empty as it had been the night before – there was his father, and the guard, and captain Levay who had given him the Sanfino case, but to Jamie's surprise there were some CSI guys also around, searching the box for fingerprints, and a bomb expert scanning through the rows. Jamie's stomach turned uneasily, reminding him that he hadn't eaten anything for the past eighteen hours. He had assumed to be the paranoid one, had hoped that it would quickly come out that Noble had been killed by a former friend or business partner or by a street robber, anything that would make the case either undoubtedly personal and therefore limited, or totally random – and therefore limited, too.  
But that hope was shattered now.

Danny at once walked towards their father. Jamie followed slowly, quickly checking the message. _Room 324b alone. Bianca_.  
His mouth went dry. He had a thought where room 324b would be – the hotel they had met more than a year ago, when Bianca had told Jimmy about Tesla's death. It was a good sign that she had chosen a public place, she couldn't kill him there unnoticed. Jamie shook his head at his own thought. Bianca would never hurt him. He could never explain it to Danny, but he knew it.

"Ready, son?"  
Not now. He nodded quickly and stepped between his father and Danny, putting his phone into the pocket that was far away from his brother. "Did you call Meeks? He should see it too, check if anything has been stolen and…"  
"I called him", Frank said gravely. "He's been shot last night. His wife said the surgeons are still fighting for his life."

For a moment, the world seemed to stop.  
"Where…do…" Jamie struggled to get the words over his lips, his brain half-frozen in shock. "Do we know who did it?"  
"Not yet. Are you ready?"  
No, he wasn't. Not at all, though he couldn't say what exactly was frightening him the most right now. "Sure."

The box didn't seem to have been touched since captain Meeks had closed it. Jimmy Riordan's phone was in it, and his fake driving license, which was the only official document he had ever had. The clothes Jamie had worn when Tesla had beaten him up, and small ampules filled with various dried liquids, labelled as the blood taken from the clothes. Photographs of Jimmy and Noble, Noble and Tesla, Tesla and Bianca, Bianca and Jimmy… photos Jamie had never seen, left alone taken, but from the angle and the bad quality of them, they could have been made from other observing cops hundreds of meters away.  
The memory stick was gone.

Still no answer. The phone almost dropped out of her hands as she started crying again. Lately, almost everything made her cry. Well, lately… lately was since yesterday. Since Noble had…died. Been murdered. Been taken from her. Bianca's grip around the phone tightened.  
Her brother had been slaughtered in the light of day, for no reason.  
Hatred burned in her throat, drying her tears to dust, making her choke on something far stronger than grief.  
Revenge.  
Someone would pay for Noble's death. No matter who they were, no matter where they were hiding… she would not ask for reasons. She would not listen to cries of mercy.  
If you take a life, you have to give one. Take the life of a Sanfino, and you will give ten. Bianca had learned her uncle Phil's way of counting when she was only a little girl. She knew the rules, knew that it was her duty, officially in the rules of her family. She had to avenge her blood. The heir of her family.  
Her big, stupid brother who had always been worried about her, while actually he was far more awkward and helpless than her.

She should have protected him.  
Guilt hit her like another wave of grief, washing away even her determination to find Noble's killers. Bianca dropped onto the bed sobbing, burying her wet face in her hands.  
The phone slid underneath the long sheets and beeped there once. Bianca didn't hear it.  
She should have protected him. She should have said no to coming back, no to tricking the guards, not to let him ever get out of the house alone… what had she hoped to find in New York? Home? Her family?  
Noble was all the family she needed. Now he was dead, and no matter what Sophie said – it was her fault. Everything was her fault…

A loud knock made Bianca jump. "Jamie?" she whispered hoarsely, then tried again, louder: "Jamie?"  
No answer. She fumbled for her cell to see if Jamie he texted her back but couldn't find it, and the knocking became louder and faster. Bianca tensed. So now it should be her turn to die.  
Well… she would kill him first. Whoever it was, she would kill him… the hate returned so quickly that she forgot about the phone, forgot about the gun in her bag.  
She was tired of being afraid, tired of running away and hiding and waiting for someone to tell her when it was safe to go out.  
Another knock. Bianca stood next to the door, reaching for something to hit the intruder with. A small lamp stood behind her – stupid hotel design. Did they never learn from all the movies?

"Well, then open it, damn it!" Danny rolled his eyes. "I don't care how much you'll have to read through, I don't ca… listen. Listen!" Obviously the guy on the other end was exactly as hot-tempered as Danny. "I don't want to intrude your boss' privacy here, man, that's why I ask you to open that drawer. I could go there myself and turn the whole room upside down, but I don't want to do that, alright? Great." He looked to Jamie and winked.  
Jamie managed to smile weakly, but he was still feeling nauseous. Of course the memory stick wouldn't be stored with the other evidence, he should have thought about that. Anyway it wasn't his fault, and not even his problem, since nothing on the stick was connected to him. He had only copied customers' data, names and numbers of… well, of criminals. Criminals who certainly wouldn't want the police to have said data.  
Jamie buried his face in his hands. Meeks was shot, and chances were pretty high he would never wake up again. Sure enough, there were always many reasons for a cop to be shot – but right after Noble's death? This wasn't an accident.

"You look awful, son." Frank sat down beside him and put his hand on Jamie's shoulder. "I know this is a lot. It is for me, too. But we will sort things out. Thank you for being honest with us here, Jamie. I know you don't want us to be part of anything dangerous, but…"  
"…but that is the job" Jamie finished and nodded. "I know, dad. It's just… I don't know. I guess there isn't really a reason for me to feel guilty for what happened to Meeks?"  
"No, there isn't. Even if Meeks was wounded in connection to the Sanfino case – and I admit, it is very like to be that way –" Frank waited for his youngest to really look into his eyes, "there is nothing you or anyone else could have done to prevent this from happening. You did what you were told, in greater danger than I would have accepted, probably, if I was you." He frowned, as if only now remembering the case, and Jamie couldn't help but smile.  
"Now that's a good sight." Frank smiled, too. "Whom are you thinking about?"  
Jamie shook his head. "You're a bad liar, dad. That's one of the reasons people trust you. I guess I always admired you for… for telling the truth but knowing when to stop talking."  
His father frowned. "You keep stopping too fast, son, if it's that what you're asking."  
"I just think it makes you a good boss. That and the fact that… well, you said wounded. Even though…"  
"Even though?" Frank stood up, turning into the commissioner again. "As long as I don't hear or see the official death report I refuse to stop believing. Or praying. And neither should you."  
Jamie nodded slowly, suddenly exhausted. Last night was wearing out, not only because he hadn't slept but also because he still couldn't shake the feeling that someone was behind him.  
"Alright" he murmured, "then I go back to the precinct and…"  
"You go home and sleep" Danny snapped, still hanging on the phone but obviously watching his baby brother carefully.  
Jamie shook his head in protest. "Forget it, Danny. I'm a cop. If you want me to or not."  
"What? Why are you starting… no, no, I wasn't talking to you!" Danny turned away from his father and brother again.

Frank sighed. "Are you sure, Jamie? I think it would not hurt to go home. Stay put until we know more." One look into his youngster's eyes was answer enough. Not for the first time the Commissioner found himself cursing his job. He had never thought he would come to that point, not even when it had meant having less time with his grandchildren to be honest, but ever since Jamie had decided to take not only the blue but also half the trouble New York was offering, he sometimes couldn't help it.  
"Alright. I'll call you when I get news from Meeks. Danny will drive you back to the precinct."  
"I… no, it's okay. I'll get there." He almost ran out of the archive. Almost forty minutes since Bianca had texted him, and she wasn't the patient kind.  
Jamie waved for a cab. If he went to the precinct first, Eddie would insist on accompanying him, and apart from the fact that this could easily get her fired, Bianca had asked for him alone. He owed her that.

Bianca fell heavily onto the bed again, the lampshade broken and splintered to thousands of shards next to the door. "Great god and devil" she cursed into the blanket, "I could have killed you! I don't even know why I didn't get to it." She looked up. "Where the hell did you learn that?"  
"Self-defense?" The other woman shrugged, a bitter smile around her lips. "Will taught me before he left for the second time."  
"Oh." Bianca sighed. "I'm sorry."  
"You don't have to." Sophie sat down next to the young woman. "Not your business. And talking about business, I couldn't do much about the DA this morning, but by now the Reagans should have seen everything. They will find the ones responsible for your brother's death."

Bianca laughed bitterly. "Is it that how you call it? Responsible for his death? I don't want the cops to find him, Sophie. I want to do this myself."  
The blonde pursed her lips. "I better didn't hear that."  
"You are…"  
"I am a lawyer sworn to honor and protect the rights of every citizen of New York City, and to be the tool of justice. I mean it, Bianca." She reached for her client's hands and held them tightly. "I will not have you trying to sort things out for yourself. It won't help anybody, and least of all you."  
Bianca's expression turned to condescendence. "I can't remember having asked for you advice."  
"That wasn't an advice" Sophie shot back as cold as Bianca, "those are my terms of working. Trust me, I know how it is to want revenge. Believe me. I've dreamed about it long enough. It doesn't help."  
Bianca shrugged. "I still can't remember having asked for anything else you could possibly say or do", she said sweetly. "And I can assure you… once I am done with this guy, I will feel better. Trust me."

Sophie opened her mouth to protest as another fist knocked against the door.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sorry it took me so long for this! And thank you so much for your reviews, I can't tell you how much they mean to me.  
I don't know about the ranks in the police – so please forgive me if the scenario here (you'll know what I mean) isn't possible in reality.**

"Hey! You're back!" Eddie walked towards him as soon as he stepped out of the car, smiling happily. "So, what do we do now?"  
Jamie automatically found himself smiling back, despite the rush of frustration.  
Since he had searched for the evidence at night, it seemed as if every decision was made for him. He couldn't shake the feeling of being haunted, and driven. Bianca, Turner, his father, now Eddie… he was reacting to the stones thrown at him, but for each one he could avert, another one was aiming for his head.  
He had decided against seeing Bianca directly in the end – maybe Danny was fooled by his agreeing to go home, but his father wasn't. He would expect Jamie to go back to the precinct rather than anything else, especially with Meeks being shot and his bureau turned over. Which was exactly what he would have done if it wasn't for Bianca, and the irrational fear he had for her life. It was not his job to protect her, and actually, if the same person who killed Noble wanted to see her dead, too, he already had had dozens of opportunities to kill her. Noble had been dead for a couple of minutes when Bianca had found him, the killer could have easily waited that long to shoot her next to her brother. And all the way to her apartment when she was on the run from the police – to what ending Jamie still couldn't comprehend. It seemed to make as much sense as Noble's death, and the attempt to kill Meeks, and the stolen – or restored somewhere else, but he couldn't bring himself to believe that – hard drive… none. What was it that made some criminal so nervous now? The most important Sanfino men had been arrested, their partners prosecuted and sometimes arrested, too… the case was closed. There was nothing to fear for those who had not already been brought to justice.  
At least that was what Meeks had guaranteed him.

"A penny for your thoughts." Her hand on his arm woke him. Eddie's smile was all but gone. "What happened?"  
Jamie shook his head. "Nothing. Nothing I could tell you, at least." He tried to concentrate on the here and now, push away the horrible thought. "Why are you still here? I thought you'd be…"  
"Partnered up with someone else? Yeah, that was the plan." For once, the rookie didn't insist on her question. "But Roberts won't work with anybody but McKenna, and Marino fell sick, too."  
"What about Renzulli?"  
Eddie shrugged uneasily. "I didn't find him so far. Maybe…" She didn't end the sentence, embarrassed.  
"You didn't even look for him" Jamie stated quietly. Eddie had met Renzulli a few times, had driven with him on her fifth day, and the sergeant had been quite content with the young woman, but still she had found no liking for him. Jamie could imagine the two of them battling in the car, since both of them hated to be told what to do, but still – "You can't stop working just because you don't like your partner. No matter what, Renzulli would die for you if he had to. We're one family."  
Eddie bit her lips not to retort. She had heard that sermon often enough – family was the biggest Reagan topic, after all.

"Alright, anyway." He was running out of time. "I… I need you to go in and see what they find in…" He interrupted himself just in time. Had he not sworn not to drag her in?  
Eddie's face lit up. "Find where?"  
"Forget it." The realization of how ready he just had been to use her for his plans, to send her into the lion's cave without knowing what to expect, hit him hard. How could he have changed this much in twenty hours? Or was that who he really was?

"Hey, Harvard!" Renzulli smiled as he walked towards the two. "Janko."  
She smiled awkwardly. "Sergeant."  
"Hey, Serge" Jamie smiled in relief before the unwanted thought crept back into his head and made him flinch. There _was_ _no reason_ any criminal should feel anxious about anything concerning the Sanfino case anymore, not if what Meeks had told him was true. And even if they were – how should they get into the police's archive and steal a memory stick without anybody noticing it? It made even less sense than everything else.  
So either Meeks had lied to him for some reason, the case was still open and there was more in it than he had ever been told… or it wasn't some Mafioso who felt threatened, it was a cop. Someone who knew about Jamie's assignment and feared it would bring out his dirty secrets. It could be anyone.

"What's wrong?" Renzulli's smile, too, disappeared as he came closer, and Jamie felt guilty at once for suspecting him, even for one second. Renzulli had more than once protected him, risked his life and his career. He had made Joe a cop, and himself, and Jamie knew it was the sergeant who had fought for him to become a TO after Vinny's death. If he didn't trust Renzulli, he might as well eat his gun – before he let Eddie get herself killed instead.  
Eddie sighed. "He won't tell. Always a mystery."  
"Yeah, I know that habit." Renzulli shook his head in disapproval. "I tried to get it off him but…"  
"Same here. He's a hopeless case." Her eyes, though, showed more concern than frustration as she looked at her TO.  
Jamie swallowed and tried to reply the glance calmly. At least in their frustration about him, Eddie and Renzulli understood each other.

"Honestly now, Jamie." The sergeant took one step closer. "I just heard captain Meeks was shot, and now your brother ordered for some of us to clear his bureau. What the hell's going on here?"  
"He's dead." Jamie murmured, not really a question. Renzulli nodded grimly. "Good man. Arrogant one, sometimes, but he always did his job well. Stood by his undercover agents."  
_And got killed for it_. _For his case. _Jamie looked down, unable to keep the terror from his face. Captain Meeks was dead. The only man who – supposedly – knew about the case, the knot that tied them all together, undercover agents, arresting cops, witness protection, lawyers,… he had held them together and kept silence about it, and now he would take all of the information to the grave where neither Danny nor Jamie nor, at least, Noble's killer would get it. That was – if the killer wasn't a cop, somebody whom Meeks had trusted…

"We have to find him!" Eddie's voice was strangely blank, but steady. As Jamie turned to her she swallowed and nodded grimly, looking shaken. He realized she had never experienced the death of a colleague before. Injuries, accidents, depression, yes, but so far no police officer had died since she had started. Jamie tried to remember his first dead cop, and how it had affected him. It had been a young woman, married, mother of a six-year-old son. He didn't know her name anymore, or her face. A street cop, just like him. Just like what Eddie was going to be.  
Jamie closed his eyes. No. He would not lose Eddie, she was stronger than that, better,… than who? Better than Vinny? Better than Joe?  
None of them had stood a chance, in the end.

For a moment all he wanted was to wrap his arms around his rookie and carry her away, far away from every precinct in town, somewhere safe.  
A look into her eyes showed him that she would not leave. Not alive.

"Copy that, officer" Renzulli said, approvingly, but his eyes quickly flickered back to Jamie. "You knew it."  
"I didn't." Jamie backed away, the pictures of Joe and Vinny and the prospect of losing Eddie still too bright in his mind. Whatever he did, he dragged people down to death. If Eddie wasn't the next, it probably was Bianca.

"But?" Renzulli knew his former rookie too well to let it end there. Jamie forced himself to look up. "I heard he was shot earlier when I was meeting the commissioner."  
The sergeant frowned, but not even he would ask further about a conversation with the commissioner. He was his boss, after all.

"And I've got to go" Jamie hurried on, "I'm sorry, sarge, can you – " He didn't dare look at Eddie. It was alright to let them drive together, and as he had said, Eddie needed to be able to work with police officers she didn't like, but still it felt wrong. He wanted her to be safe, not pissed off.  
"I'm afraid, no" Renzulli said calmy, "sorry, Janko, nothing to do with you." His glance still rested on Jamie. "I think you should accompany your TO and help him where you can. That wasn't a suggestion" he added when Jamie opened his mouth in protest, while Eddie smiled, "now that captain Meeks is dead, the responsibility lies with me. We will have this bastard before sunset, without you two. I won't have a Reagan go alone anywhere."  
Jamie knew better than to argue with the blazing steel in Renzulli's eyes. If he protested, the sergeant would demand more answers than he was willing – and able – to give.  
"Alright, sarge. We'll be back soon."

"Let me drive." Eddie extended her hand, waiting for the keys to drop. The shock had left her eyes, blown away by the grim but caring determination he had grown more than fond of. When he shook his head, she stopped. "I know you don't want me here" she said, not quite banning the anger out of her voice, "but the less you let me in, the more I will have to ask. You just told me I had to be ready to work with people I don't like, because that's my job, and I…"  
"You know this has nothing to do with how much I like you." Jamie moved closer. "Actually, it would be easier if… you stay in the car, understood? I need to talk to someone, and I need to be alone."  
Eddie frowned. "Bianca or her lawyer? Or do you want both of them?" She bit her lips. "I'm sorry. Just…" she waved for the keys again, and Jamie dropped them into her hand without looking at her. "Let's go. Palms Hotel."

They were almost there when Jamie's phone rang. _Not Danny_, he prayed silently. One second later he almost wished it was his big brother.  
"I'm on my…"  
"Get here now!" Bianca's voice was shrill with fear, and in the background, Jamie could hear heavy things smashing against the floor. Then a man's voice growled something.  
A fight.  
"Bianca? Stay on the phone, stay…" The noises dulled, Bianca must have dropped the cell down onto the floor. Jamie froze.  
"What's wrong?"  
No. Not her, not another one, not now… he should have gone straight to her. Panic filled his stomach like ice, burning and freezing at the same time. If he hadn't cared about what his family would say that much, he could have been with her earlier…  
"Alright, here we are." Eddie parked right next to the entrance. "Be quick, I don't know how long we can stay here."  
Jamie forced himself back. "Call a bus, and backup" he murmured as he jumped out of the car.  
Forty-three seconds and two calls later, Eddie followed.

Jamie took the stairs to the third floor. He would lose more time by waiting for the elevator than by running up, and it was very likely that the aggressor – he couldn't think killer, not yet – would take the stairs to get down, to avoid witnesses.

The door to their room was wide open, the noises had died down. Jamie bit his lips to stop panting and slowed down to sneak closer. Then, suddenly, a shadow bolted out, hit him full force and smashed him to the ground. Automatically, Jamie grabbed for the man's clothes, but the other hurled him off as if he was a child and was up again, racing for the stairs. As Jamie stood up, his legs and head throbbing from the fall, a cry came from behind. "No! No, don't… help! Somebody!"  
Jamie hesitated for a second – one second too much, maybe. Again, Joe's face appeared before him, Vinny. Whatever he did, he was dragging people to death.

"Please!"  
He turned around and stormed into the room.  
It was devastated, blankets torn apart, broken glass on the floor. One of the pieces was red with blood.  
Bianca knelt in a pool of blood, Sophie Turner's head in her lap, pressing her hands against the young lawyer's throat and upper arm. "Please don't die" she whispered, then, without looking at Jamie, "I can't stop it! She'll bleed to death if we…"  
"I called for help." He knelt down beside the women and brought his arms beneath the small, almost limp body. "Sophie, I need you to stay awake, alright? We'll get you out."  
He didn't wait for an answer but lifted her up, and, with Bianca still clutching at Sophie's wounds, moved out of the room as quick as he could. This time they took the elevator, every heartbeat reminding him painfully of how much time – and blood – they lost.  
"Take her!" Suddenly, Bianca let go and took off her shoes. For a short moment Jamie was sure she would run away, but she only put off her tights and knotted them firmly around Sophie's arm.  
"Good."

Eddie almost bumped into them as they stumbled out of the elevator.  
"Oh my –"  
"Where's the ambulance?" Jamie interrupted harshly. Eddie shook her head. "They need ten minutes." She bit her lips. "We'll be faster at St. Simons if we drive."  
"What?" Bianca stared at the rookie in disgust. "We will not drive her around in a police car, she needs help now!"  
"She won't live till they're here", Jamie warned, "come on!" They carried the woman to the car and laid her down in the rear, her head resting on Eddie's lap this time. It would ruin her uniform, but it was clear she was in better shape to steady Sophie's head and keep the blood at bay than Bianca, who finally was overwhelmed with terror, her hands and head shaking uncontrollably.  
Jamie drove faster than he dared, looking back every ten seconds. Sophie's face was pale as the moon, but once she returned the look, her eyes filled with pain and fear.  
"It'll be okay" he promised her, "you'll get through that, okay? I… I demand you to get through, understood?"  
If she remembered, she was too weak already to react.  
Eddie cursed as her fingers slipped away from the wet skin. "What the hell were you doing up there anyway?"  
"I needed to talk" Bianca snapped back, "much earlier. Then I thought there was someone come to kill me, and I was ready to fight, and it was Sophie coming up. Because she cares if I live or die!"  
Jamie winced but didn't say a word.  
Eddie chuckled. "She better has, you're paying her."  
"You fucking bitch!" Bianca turned around, her eyes blazing. Her family's blood had found her again. "I… you know nothing. I thought he would come. I thought he wanted to help me, as he had once helped my brother, only to now see him killed! When it knocked again, we thought it was you" she turned back to Jamie, "and we weren't prepared to fight this time. And then…"  
"And then it turned out to be your brother's killer?" Eddie frowned. "That doesn't make sense. Why were you afraid the first time but then felt as if nothing could harm you?"  
"I… I…" Once again, Bianca was lost for words, and Eddie went on, "You know I think this is all very nice for you till now. Since your brother died you avoided being questioned properly. And now, with captain Meeks dead, the police has a lot to do anyway, so we probably won't have that much of an eye on you. Is that what you hope? Cause you're wrong. We will find out who…"  
"You think I care for how many cops you lose? That's your family you can't protect, go to hell, all of you!"  
"I swear, if you…"  
„Shut up or I'll put you both in the trunk!" Hearing his words, Jamie wondered what his mother might say to him now – and how he could have ended with two women bitching around and a third one bleeding to death behind him.


	9. Chapter 9

"_Grace."_

Jamie rubbed the blood from his hands and arms, trying not to breathe in too deeply.  
_"I'm sorry, Mr. Reagan. We did all we could. He had already lost too much blood." The nurse's voice sounded strangely flat, and she seemed to look in the wrong direction… she couldn't be addressing him, now, that didn't make sense. It just couldn't happen.  
"Your brother was declared dead five minutes ago."  
Five minutes? As in, five minutes that he had driven around the parking lot, crying madly, almost hitting a young girl who was running towards the hospital? Those stupid five minutes, and they wanted to tell him that Joe was… no. Jamie tried to smile it away, making sure it was alright, he wasn't angry with the nurse just because she was confounding him with someone else, these things could happen, she surely did a good job, she was exhausted, she meant someone else, someone else's brother had been shot, someone else was dead now, not Joe, not Joe…_

He splashed water to his face, so forcefully that a lot of it went down on his shirt. Cold drops mixed with hot tears. Not now. He had gone through these moments often enough. Not now. With shaking hands, cracked and dried blood still lingering between his fingers, Jamie left the bathroom, cursing himself for going back.  
You could forget faces, words, voices,… but smells remained. They were so airily and short-lived that your brain couldn't think of banning them from your memories, and so they kept their stories, ready to hit you with them at every second.  
Lilac, buttermilk and sun lotion was a spring smell for Jamie, even though he could no longer remember when exactly this memory had been made.  
With iron, wet fabric, disinfection fluids and something like burnt air, however, he knew exactly where the horror came from.

"Jamie? Sorry, man, but your brother's here. And the commissioner."  
_He's my father, stupid_. Jamie sighed. "Alright, detective."  
Of course, when asking for backup, Eddie had called Williams and Clay. A good move, theoretically, since those were the responsible detectives for anything concerning Bianca – and an attack on her lawyer, supposedly on herself, definitely was concerning.  
Still… it was ever smiling, ever flirting Steven Clay.

"Hey, Danny, can we skip the part where you're yelling at me cause I made a move on my own and tell me what you got?" Jamie's headache was getting worse, and neither the fact that he was in a hospital nor his big brother's angry face were going to make it better.  
Frank couldn't stifle a chuckle, though amusement actually was the last thing he felt. He knew the tension around him, recognized the fear that had made Danny's shoulders tense those past ten minutes. Eddie Janko had told them that Jamie was fine, but it was one thing to hear it from a rookie who knew him for most of a year, and another thing to see it with his own eyes.  
Even so, the commissioner had got to learn, his baby son was probably hiding something, and none of them would find out if he didn't want them to.  
"Then let me ask" he said calmly, before the surprise had left Danny's face, "what exactly were you doing in that hotel? And if you knew there was a fight going on, why did you call for backup only when your car parked?"  
Eddie had told them about this, too, before Renzulli had called her off. Meeks' killer was still a free man, and with three detectives and the police commissioner around (and the commissioner's own security, of course) there should be enough protection for Bianca Sanfino right now.

Jamie sighed. "She texted me."  
"Who is she?"  
"Bianca. She called me once when I was Jimmy, telling me that Tesla was gone, we met in the same hotel, the same room, so I knew where to find her. And when we were driving, I called her, making sure she was still there… I heard there was a fight going on, I couldn't simply wait down there for backup to come, they could be both be dead!"

"Speaking of that" Danny murmured, "how long does it take to pump in a few ounces of blood into a body?"  
Jamie shrugged. "It's more than that. The blade cut through a lot of nerves and veins in her arm alone, and about the wound on her neck…" he shook his head, but the thought wouldn't go away, filling him with hope and a sudden, strong rush of guilt.  
If Sophie's vocal chords were damaged too, she maybe would not be able to speak – not in time for this case, at least.

This path was behind him, he reminded himself, it was a lawyer's way to think, a bad lawyer's way, Gowan style all over again. He had chosen not to think like that.  
"What about Grace?" he asked, more to distract himself than of real curiosity. It had been the last word Sophie had said, breathed more, when they had entered the hospital. Faint but filled with a passion that only left one conclusion:  
"She's Ms. Turner's daughter, four years old", Frank confirmed, "I sent your brother to get her."  
"But… he's…"  
"Yeah." Danny sighed. "I checked Grace Turner's kindergarten only to find she had been brought here today, with serious cardiac arrhythmia."  
"So that's why Sophie left in the morning."  
"Seems like that." The detective's face was twisted with frustration and sorrow. Annoying as the whole affair was – to say it nicely – Jamie knew that the father in Danny was just praying for the girl to be okay, and was fully understanding her mother's run in the morning.  
"Alright. And Bianca?"

Now all sorrow was gone. "Tanya's watching her every step. So far, your little mafiosa friend is playing a wonderful charade of worrying client. She's not gonna leave the door to her lawyer's room."  
"She's not…" He was too tired to argue with Danny. "Is there a father?" He tried to remember his time in Harvard, but his memory had been ever so clouded about this time since his mother had died. She had been the reason for him to go there, after all, that and – yes, the chance to render Danny speechless for once. Even to his big brother, the name "Harvard" carried a certain meaning and impression. Jamie had chosen not to tell him about the rather lame parts of university life, which to be honest had made most of his time there.  
Well, till Sydney. But that story was through by now, too, leaving him with very few memories that weren't somehow tainted. Keating's class, for sure, and the glow of the old brick buildings in sunset, but that wasn't something to talk about to most people. Harvard surely had its magic, but for Jamie it had always been within the university itself, not so much in its doctors and students. Besides Syd and maybe five others, he hadn't really had that much of a circle of acquaintance, left alone real friends.  
And he couldn't, no matter how hard he tried, remember Sophie Turner being with anyone.  
Then again, Grace Turner was just four. It wasn't to be expected from a Harvard lawyer, but well… they had graduated almost six years ago. It was perfectly possible for Sophie to have found someone after their time in university, and got pregnant from him without Jamie having a possibility (or any interest, to be honest) to know about it.

"What is it, kid?" Finally, Danny seemed to have calmed down. "Thinking about having a family of your own?"  
Jamie shrugged. "I just didn't realize I'm already that old."  
Danny chuckled. "Well, I guess I don't really get to call you that, but… yeah. You could have some kids of your own right now. If you wanted them."

Which was a question Jamie had just wished to avoid. He could have children by now – right now, where he was… was he ready for that? If Sydney had stayed with him, would they already have a baby? Both of them had wanted a career, but they also had planned a family, of course. Why did you marry if not to make a family, after all?  
But at his age… well, his siblings had had their children. His parents, too.  
He was still alone.

A door was pushed open, an elderly woman walking out with her back against the wall. Her hands were as bloodied as Jamie's had been, and all three Reagan man inhaled sharply. This was a sight too horribly familiar, for every cop.  
The surgeon stifled a smile at the reaction. "Don't worry. It looks far worse than it is."  
"Will she pull through?" It was clear in Danny's voice that he was still thinking about little Grace, lying in a bed not too far away from her mother. There was no father, Jamie realized, or he would long be here.  
"She will, we'll wake her up as soon as she's out of the ER. I guess you want to question her,… detective?"  
Danny frowned. "She's up to answering questions?"  
"Well, not exactly talking…" she sighed. "The cut in her throat missed vocal cords, trachea and esophagus, but it cut deep enough. Her larynge was scratched. For the next ten days she won't be able to speak, and in the following four weeks she rather shouldn't."  
Danny chuckled. "She's a lawyer. Good luck with that."

"Good luck with what?" A male nurse appeared from behind, shoving a wheelchair. The girl sitting in it was about four years old, tubes wrapped around her head, winding up into her nose. From a bag fastened to the side of the chair, a clear fluid was sent into her arm by another tube.  
Frank squatted down, bringing his face and the girl's on one height. "I suppose you must be Grace", he said, almost cheerfully.  
The girl cocked her head, frowned, then nodded. "But I don't know your name."  
"My name is Francis. I'm the police commissioner of New York. Do you know the police?"  
Grace nodded again.  
"Well, I'm their boss."  
Her eyes widened. "Of all the policemen?"  
"Yes", Frank smiled, "and all the police women, of course."  
"Wow."  
Involuntarily, Jamie smiled. He knew the amazement in Grace's voice – it was the same that every child showed when meeting his father, the same admiration Jamie had felt towards him his entire life, also when he had stopped showing it so strongly.  
There was something in the police commissioner's voice that promised safety, that promised everything would be okay no matter how much the world was shattered.

It had taken more than twenty years for this belief to be destroyed for Jamie. More than twenty years in which he surely had known about the dangers of the world, about hunger and illness and crazy people on the street, and about the risks cops were taking each day. Still… he had believed, a part of him at least (a little part had started doubting earlier, when Danny had returned from Iraq, irreversibly changed), that everything would be fine for his family.  
Then mom had got sick, and died.

"Are you gonna arrest my mom?"  
Jamie exchanged a quick look with Danny. Had any of them ever, _would_ any of them ever have suspected their parents to have done something so wrong they should get arrested for it?  
Frank frowned. "Why should I want to arrest your mom?"  
Grace bit her lips. "I don't know. But I know you can't arrest me because I'm too little, and I know she's here and you're not doctors so you can't help her…" Suddenly, tears formed in her eyes. "Will she be okay? Please!"

"Do you think I would have brought you here if she wasn't?" The man shoving her wheelchair squatted down next to the commissioner. "She will, alright? Doctor Evans told me she's fine, just a little tired. And…"  
"And she has to keep quiet" Evans interrupted, her voice much harsher than any of the man's had been, "and the police will be questioning her, too, Grace, so you can see her but not too long. And maybe someone should go with you and bring some paper. I mean it. And it's not gonna be you, Olsen, I need you for Eric Winters."  
Olsen sighed. "I know."  
"Is Eric gonna die tonight?" New tears rolled down Grace's cheeks, and she wiped them away as briskly as she could without touching the cannula in her nose. "He told me he would. But he's saying that always. And today he said…" seeming involuntary, the girl reached out for the commissioner's hand, grasping for reassurance, while her eyes still lingered on Olsen, "he was ready. And he wanted to because he doesn't want to see his parents cry so much, and they will have to stop crying once he's in heaven because he's better up there."

Jamie saw his father's shoulders tense, and for a moment, the grasp around Grace's hand grew too strong. She pulled away. "He forbid me crying, too. I said he was an idiot and I can cry whenever I want to. Mom says I can." Only now she looked at the commissioner. "Can I see her now, please? Please, you can question her all along, I won't say anything, I promise, I can be very quiet!"

Frank forced himself to smile, despite the tearing pain in his whole body. This child sitting before him, small and sick and helpless, and unknown Eric Winter who wanted to die for his parents' sake, who expected them to be happy for him… the passage in the Bible, when Jesus warned his followers to believe like children or they would not get to heaven (or maybe not that harshly, it had been a long time since he had read the holy scripture on his own), suddenly made sense.  
Joe's death, however, still didn't.

"That's not really for me to decide, Grace" he said softly as he stood up and immediately found himself between his sons, sheltering him alone with their presence, "but I have nothing against it."  
"See" Olsen threw a quick glance at the elder man, as if to see if he would need a wheelchair, too, then took his position behind Grace. "Let's go see your mom. And pray that someone already has told her she's not allowed to speak. Can you imagine her totally quiet? Your mom?" He shook his head exaggeratingly. "Cause I can't! I reeeeeally can't."  
It worked. Grace started giggling, though the tubes made it sound like a dying engine. "Not really."

"I think you should go with them."  
Jamie looked up, lost, as Danny nodded towards Olsen and Grace. "What?"  
"Grace, to help her talk to our lawyer because she can't speak and Grace can't read so someone has to read her m…"  
"Alright, I get it!" He knew Danny well enough to hear the alarm in his voice. It was not only impatience or frustration that made his brother harsh – those were mere ways of coping with the real weight of the situation. Hospital, tubes in noses, in arms, suffering people, too many deads around… they all shared a trauma, but Jamie realized he was missing probably the worst: imagining your own kids to be like Grace or Eric. Four year olds should not talk about death like this.  
"Okay. What are you gonna do?"  
"Well" Danny grinned, partly bitter, partly triumphantly, "I'm gonna question your little mafia girlfriend in the meantime."  
Frank frowned, and Danny quickly corrected, "I'm gonna ask Ms. Sanfino a few questions before I come to ask Ms. Turner."  
"Without her lawyer? You can't, Danny!"  
"Really? That's all you can give me? I'm not allowed to ask her without her stupid lawyer we just saved? No, _you_ just saved, on your own, lost for backup, forgetting all you ever learnt! And now you wanna tell me about my job?"  
"If you're really so much cleverer than me, Danny, I shouldn't have to tell you that!" Jamie was too weary himself now to be gentle. Why did his brother always have to play stupid when it came down to rights and jurisdiction?  
"Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Harvard." Danny's voice dripped with sarcasm now.  
"Here we go again." Jamie rolled his eyes. "Get it over with,…"  
"If you are so worried about that woman's precious private sphere, maybe you should finally start doing what you learnt to do and be her lawyer herself!"  
"I learnt to be a cop!"  
"That doesn't make you one!"

"Enough!" Frank's voice was loud enough to make Olsen and Grace, already on the far end of the corridor, turn around.  
The commissioner's eyes, though, were lying only on his sons. His boys who, together with their sister, he loved more than anything else…. And who proved to be harder to take care of than the whole police force of New York.  
"We had this argument often enough" he said as calmly as he could, "and I will not have you arguing in here. You both do your jobs. And if Bianca Sanfino refuses to answer alone, you will make sure she gets a substitution lawyer in the meantime. There is still a cop killer out there. I do not want my sons disputing about schools while there is a family mourning their husband and father. And now I have to see Mrs. Meeks."  
Jamie shrugged. "Of course." It would not do to object now, not with his father so clearly distant from his position. He had sworn himself not to let Danny get in his way concerning his love for the job, but it was getting harder. No matter what he did, it would always be wrong in his brother's eyes, and knowing that didn't make it less hurting.  
The only good thing was that Danny would run against a wall when trying to get information out of Bianca. She wouldn't talk to him, she hadn't talked to detective Williams all the time, and she was at least a woman.

Danny didn't even bother to hide his grin. "Alright, dad. See you." Only then he stopped smiling. "And we'll find that son of a bitch."  
Fran frowned. "I did not teach you to judge people by their parents, or by their jobs, actually. Watch your tongue." When he saw Jamie's face light up at the reprimand, he sighed. "You know your mother and I love out all alike? I wish you could do the same. We all have our flaws but that is not what should count in a family."


End file.
